“We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.” (Ian Percy)
Results matter. What if someone gave you all the ingredients to a lemon meringue pie beautifully arranged on a platter. How appreciative do you think you’d be? They’d probably have been better off not giving you anything at all- ‘cuz you probably think they’re a moron now (rightfully so). Good intentions are like cotton candy- they shrink to nothingness if they’re let out of the bag. But of course it’s simpler when we evaluate ourselves to add all those could’ve would’ve should’ves to score brownie points.
I’m not quite sure that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. (I could verify it for you when I get back.) For one thing the intentions of a decent person usually result in some sort of action. Conversely, someone who is desensitized and accustomed to evil will have a different definition of ‘good’. And secondly it’s puzzling why the road to hell would be paved at all? Is it to give the evil a false sense of security? Or one last leisurely stroll?
Of course judging others is a salve to our conscience (and boy, do our conscience’s need soothing). So essentially we suffer by minding our own business. Suddenly our faults our staring at us in the face and we have nothing to deflect the shame and truth of it all. Yes, our priority is survival- but at what cost to our relationships?
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
cliff diving and post-it notes
“For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.” (Doug Larson)
There is a preconceived notion that organized people generally accomplish things more efficiently than those who are, shall we say, not the sort who make detailed lists and carry around leather bound planners.
Some of the people who we might consider ‘flaky’ have all necessary information compartmentalized inside their head. They may choose to do things in a way that’s not the obvious approach- but who are you to say that it’s not well planned? You can only take half of the credit for getting a job done. Lots of people rush to finish because they crave the rush that comes along with crossing an item off of their list. The other half- and perhaps the more important-is how it’s done. I find that if one is less pressed to finish their consultation at precisely 3:57 which will give them three minutes to prepare an afternoon coffee (with one sugar and no cream, decaf mind you) and arrive on time for the meeting in room 201 on the 7th floor INSERT BREATH HERE then one might have been more likely to notice that despite the wrinkled suit the client was just let go had potential to earn the company close to a half a million dollars.
Preconceived ideas in general tend to conceal a layer of falseness. Woe is to those of us that have taken on lemming characteristics and rely on society to draw conclusions for us.
Comments, as always, are welcome.
There is a preconceived notion that organized people generally accomplish things more efficiently than those who are, shall we say, not the sort who make detailed lists and carry around leather bound planners.
Some of the people who we might consider ‘flaky’ have all necessary information compartmentalized inside their head. They may choose to do things in a way that’s not the obvious approach- but who are you to say that it’s not well planned? You can only take half of the credit for getting a job done. Lots of people rush to finish because they crave the rush that comes along with crossing an item off of their list. The other half- and perhaps the more important-is how it’s done. I find that if one is less pressed to finish their consultation at precisely 3:57 which will give them three minutes to prepare an afternoon coffee (with one sugar and no cream, decaf mind you) and arrive on time for the meeting in room 201 on the 7th floor INSERT BREATH HERE then one might have been more likely to notice that despite the wrinkled suit the client was just let go had potential to earn the company close to a half a million dollars.
Preconceived ideas in general tend to conceal a layer of falseness. Woe is to those of us that have taken on lemming characteristics and rely on society to draw conclusions for us.
Comments, as always, are welcome.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
circuses and hell
“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.” (Philip K. Dick)
Imagination is one of those G-d given gifts which I venture to say is underappreciated. Most of our greatest fears revolve around pain. The agony of humiliation haunts us in our sleep. The sound of the dentist’s drill makes our toes curl. The permanent ache that buries itself deep within after the death of a loved one and threatens to obscure our outlook on life forever…
I ask you to pause for a moment and paint a picture in your mind’s eye a clown. His shoes are made of plastic, oversized and bright green. His face is coated with a thick layer of white paint and his eyes are exaggerated with dark black circles. His nose is made of cheap red foam and his rail thin body is swimming in a colorful polka dotted jumpsuit with ruffled yellow cuffs. The curls of his neon blue wig bounce with every step he takes. Unless you’ve got coulrophobia, the thought should bring a smile to your face.
Dante must've known this when he wrote Inferno. He used his imagination to conjure up a detailed description of fear stripped raw. Hell. No wonder his work has been the subject for philosophers and the inspiration for countless artists for well over six centuries.
The same way you created an image from nothing, you can create a feeling of well-being and security just through channeling the power of your mind. Who wouda thunk it? You’re safe haven is at the tips of your fingers.
Imagine that.
Friday, July 29, 2011
rainbows and FBI
"By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out."
(Richard Dawkins)
We like to think that as individuals we are non-racist and tolerant people. We consider it a compliment to be called open-minded. And yet there’s a contradiction. Imagine you are going to a town many miles away where the customs are exceedingly different from anything you’ve ever seen or heard of. Being in custody of the Witness Protection Program, you arrive not knowing what to expect. Looking around, you are nearly blinded by all the vibrant shades of Prussian blue, cadmium yellow, sea green, and countless other shades that you didn’t even know existed. You take a second look – something seems to be missing.
Apparently in this place the color black is not accepted as a wearable color. Passersby are staring at your black slacks and a few muttered derogatory sounding words directed at your polished black dress shoes.
So you think to yourself, ‘What is wrong with these people? Can’t they be more open-minded? ’ After you finish bashing these people in your head, consider this. You are the minority. You just encroached on their territory, a complete stranger, and you want them to adapt to your differences. You should be grateful that you weren’t lynched. You should be open-minded to their way of living. I know you’re surprised that the world doesn’t revolve around you. Consider this; acceptance of differences will get you farther than an open mind.
(Maybe you should call the person in charge of your case anyways and request a destination change.)
You are invited to comment below.
(Richard Dawkins)
We like to think that as individuals we are non-racist and tolerant people. We consider it a compliment to be called open-minded. And yet there’s a contradiction. Imagine you are going to a town many miles away where the customs are exceedingly different from anything you’ve ever seen or heard of. Being in custody of the Witness Protection Program, you arrive not knowing what to expect. Looking around, you are nearly blinded by all the vibrant shades of Prussian blue, cadmium yellow, sea green, and countless other shades that you didn’t even know existed. You take a second look – something seems to be missing.
Apparently in this place the color black is not accepted as a wearable color. Passersby are staring at your black slacks and a few muttered derogatory sounding words directed at your polished black dress shoes.
So you think to yourself, ‘What is wrong with these people? Can’t they be more open-minded? ’ After you finish bashing these people in your head, consider this. You are the minority. You just encroached on their territory, a complete stranger, and you want them to adapt to your differences. You should be grateful that you weren’t lynched. You should be open-minded to their way of living. I know you’re surprised that the world doesn’t revolve around you. Consider this; acceptance of differences will get you farther than an open mind.
(Maybe you should call the person in charge of your case anyways and request a destination change.)
You are invited to comment below.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
vodka on the rocks and roller coasters
“After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box.” (Italian Proverb)
What do you choose to do when you spend time with friends?
(a) Go out to eat
(b) Go out for drinks
(c) Amusement parks, bungee jumping, or rock climbing
(d) I don’t go out with friends- quality time for me consists of phone conversations and emails.
(e) What friends?
May I question society’s equivalence of money with fun? The more expensive the dish you know, the smaller the portion. That says something. (I’m not sure what…) If there’s one area where the lines of the caste system blur it should be in the form of entertainment we choose.
Ever considered baking chocolate chip cookies, eating the dough and baking what’s left? What about the board games? Checkers is quite stimulating if you play it right, and some oldies like monopoly, balderdash, boggle, and scrabble can really get you going. Apple to apples, Banangrams, Cranium, and The Settlers of Catan are some of the newer ones that you might want to add to your closet if they’re not already there. I applaud those of you who enforce a ‘Family Game Night’, and recommend that everyone strongly consider it.
You don’t have need to do this with your family but you’d be surprised how much more pleasure you’ll get from playing a brain game or fiddling around with finger-paint (I know you think there’s an age limit on that, but you’re wrong) than a pricey martini and speeding ticket. Comments are welcome below.
What do you choose to do when you spend time with friends?
(a) Go out to eat
(b) Go out for drinks
(c) Amusement parks, bungee jumping, or rock climbing
(d) I don’t go out with friends- quality time for me consists of phone conversations and emails.
(e) What friends?
May I question society’s equivalence of money with fun? The more expensive the dish you know, the smaller the portion. That says something. (I’m not sure what…) If there’s one area where the lines of the caste system blur it should be in the form of entertainment we choose.
Ever considered baking chocolate chip cookies, eating the dough and baking what’s left? What about the board games? Checkers is quite stimulating if you play it right, and some oldies like monopoly, balderdash, boggle, and scrabble can really get you going. Apple to apples, Banangrams, Cranium, and The Settlers of Catan are some of the newer ones that you might want to add to your closet if they’re not already there. I applaud those of you who enforce a ‘Family Game Night’, and recommend that everyone strongly consider it.
You don’t have need to do this with your family but you’d be surprised how much more pleasure you’ll get from playing a brain game or fiddling around with finger-paint (I know you think there’s an age limit on that, but you’re wrong) than a pricey martini and speeding ticket. Comments are welcome below.
Friday, July 22, 2011
mudpies and fish oil
“Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.” (Virginia Satir, U.S. family therapist and author)
How clear are your memories of adolescence? No matter how many memory vitamins you insist on taking, I’m willing to bet that your recollection is way less accurate than you think. We tend to have selective memories. This isn’t always a negative thing. You don’t want to remember that time when Marcus, the biggest kid on the playground, made you eat dirt. Or the incident where Mom humiliated you in front of the entire neighborhood.
That’s the funny thing about the transition from being a child to becoming a parent. You forget what it’s like. All those promises you made. You said you’d be different when it came time to raising your own. You promised to be understanding and patient. What happened? Let me tell you. Life happened. We are trapped in the curse of the Grown-up. But is it really a curse? Could it be that we’ve gotten wiser with age? Or are we sinking in the mire of lost innocence and truth?
Maybe the next time we get caught in a heated argument that involves slamming doors and shattered china we should make an effort to really hear what the youngster has to say. On the other hand, it might be simpler to ground him indefinitely. After all that was your good set of dishes.
How clear are your memories of adolescence? No matter how many memory vitamins you insist on taking, I’m willing to bet that your recollection is way less accurate than you think. We tend to have selective memories. This isn’t always a negative thing. You don’t want to remember that time when Marcus, the biggest kid on the playground, made you eat dirt. Or the incident where Mom humiliated you in front of the entire neighborhood.
That’s the funny thing about the transition from being a child to becoming a parent. You forget what it’s like. All those promises you made. You said you’d be different when it came time to raising your own. You promised to be understanding and patient. What happened? Let me tell you. Life happened. We are trapped in the curse of the Grown-up. But is it really a curse? Could it be that we’ve gotten wiser with age? Or are we sinking in the mire of lost innocence and truth?
Maybe the next time we get caught in a heated argument that involves slamming doors and shattered china we should make an effort to really hear what the youngster has to say. On the other hand, it might be simpler to ground him indefinitely. After all that was your good set of dishes.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
slnt trtmnt
“My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.” (Oscar Wilde, writer 1854-1900)
Whether you like it or not, you depend on human interactions and other people’s opinions for your survival. The main reason solitary confinement is considered such a severe punishment is based on this premise. People can go mad from lack of human contact- emotional and physical.
Or perhaps it’s because they can’t deal with themselves and their reality.
Consider this; when was the last time you purposely spent time alone with yourself to…well, contemplate your life? For most of us the appreciation of solitude comes along with age and intelligence, and is usually hard earned.
To translate into a scenario that is more palatable to the modern day, envision your communication minus cell phone, twitter, Facebook, email, smart phone, Skype, etc.
Experts on human interaction are quite bothered by this. They recommend ‘unplugging’ for extended periods of time and paying more attention to live interactions. Although it has been recognized that too much of any one thing is destructive, I can’t say the average person is at fault for overdosing when it comes to technology. What these so-called experts have to take into account is that people adapt to their environments. What they are suggesting is that those who have been ‘infected’ remove themselves and make themselves different from their surroundings. They are contradicting themselves! We are told over and over to be normal and not to attract unnecessary attention to ourselves. We observe how people who are radically different are often condemned and doomed socially.
Personally, my sole connection to the outside world is a pre-paid cellular (archaic, yes I know) which under five people have access to. I have received much rebuke about this from people who haven’t the courage to call my land-line and complain that I am unreachable. I prefer it that way. But there are many valid reasons to be ‘plugged in’ and I respect that. Rather than establishing unreasonable guidelines to decrease electronic usage, a more effective solution might be to just raise an awareness of the damage that excess technology is causing. Skills such as spelling and use of quality vocabulary have been lost to writing in ‘text speak’ and monosyllables. People who you can interact with verbally and have a relatively intellectual conversation with are harder to come by. We find it exceedingly difficult to focus on just one (can you imagine?) task without getting distracted. This might seem too passive of an approach but the only way someone will consistently do something that is against their nature is if they want to.
Most of us desire more wholesome relationships and clearer communication with those who we care about. When all is said and done and your cards are laid out on the table I’ve got one question- why haven’t you signed off yet?
Whether you like it or not, you depend on human interactions and other people’s opinions for your survival. The main reason solitary confinement is considered such a severe punishment is based on this premise. People can go mad from lack of human contact- emotional and physical.
Or perhaps it’s because they can’t deal with themselves and their reality.
Consider this; when was the last time you purposely spent time alone with yourself to…well, contemplate your life? For most of us the appreciation of solitude comes along with age and intelligence, and is usually hard earned.
To translate into a scenario that is more palatable to the modern day, envision your communication minus cell phone, twitter, Facebook, email, smart phone, Skype, etc.
Experts on human interaction are quite bothered by this. They recommend ‘unplugging’ for extended periods of time and paying more attention to live interactions. Although it has been recognized that too much of any one thing is destructive, I can’t say the average person is at fault for overdosing when it comes to technology. What these so-called experts have to take into account is that people adapt to their environments. What they are suggesting is that those who have been ‘infected’ remove themselves and make themselves different from their surroundings. They are contradicting themselves! We are told over and over to be normal and not to attract unnecessary attention to ourselves. We observe how people who are radically different are often condemned and doomed socially.
Personally, my sole connection to the outside world is a pre-paid cellular (archaic, yes I know) which under five people have access to. I have received much rebuke about this from people who haven’t the courage to call my land-line and complain that I am unreachable. I prefer it that way. But there are many valid reasons to be ‘plugged in’ and I respect that. Rather than establishing unreasonable guidelines to decrease electronic usage, a more effective solution might be to just raise an awareness of the damage that excess technology is causing. Skills such as spelling and use of quality vocabulary have been lost to writing in ‘text speak’ and monosyllables. People who you can interact with verbally and have a relatively intellectual conversation with are harder to come by. We find it exceedingly difficult to focus on just one (can you imagine?) task without getting distracted. This might seem too passive of an approach but the only way someone will consistently do something that is against their nature is if they want to.
Most of us desire more wholesome relationships and clearer communication with those who we care about. When all is said and done and your cards are laid out on the table I’ve got one question- why haven’t you signed off yet?
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