“Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.” (Virginia Satir, U.S. family therapist and author)
How clear are your memories of adolescence? No matter how many memory vitamins you insist on taking, I’m willing to bet that your recollection is way less accurate than you think. We tend to have selective memories. This isn’t always a negative thing. You don’t want to remember that time when Marcus, the biggest kid on the playground, made you eat dirt. Or the incident where Mom humiliated you in front of the entire neighborhood.
That’s the funny thing about the transition from being a child to becoming a parent. You forget what it’s like. All those promises you made. You said you’d be different when it came time to raising your own. You promised to be understanding and patient. What happened? Let me tell you. Life happened. We are trapped in the curse of the Grown-up. But is it really a curse? Could it be that we’ve gotten wiser with age? Or are we sinking in the mire of lost innocence and truth?
Maybe the next time we get caught in a heated argument that involves slamming doors and shattered china we should make an effort to really hear what the youngster has to say. On the other hand, it might be simpler to ground him indefinitely. After all that was your good set of dishes.
I remember Rabbi Tauber talking about the mistakes his parents made when raising him and how he swore to himself he would not make those mistakes. He said while he did not make those same mistakes he made a whole new set of mistakes of his own.
ReplyDeleteLesson for life: nobody's perfect.
ReplyDeleteCan be frustrating when you hear your parents voice come out -- and you're like "Did I just say that?!?!" :)
ReplyDeleteGood point - in those times that your kids are giving you a hard time, think back to when you were in his/her situation! easier said than done - but worth tryin'!
I find that once a person makes themselves more aware of a problem, half the battle is won.
ReplyDelete