hello- is anybody home?

“You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him to find it within himself.” (Galileo)

It is our nature to be self-absorbed. With our financial state, physical condition, and emotions. In order to get access to a person you don't need life experience, you don't need brains or good looks. The key to transition from bystander to friend to trusted is learning how to listen.

If it sounds simple- try going just one day without interrupting anyone when they're talking to you. Wait a bit to make sure that they've finished before you even start contemplating a reply. I bet you were formulating a response only a few seconds into the conversation without even realizing it. When a colleague comes over complaining about how money's real tight and his marriage is in the toilet, he does not want you to tell him to trade in his Maserati for a Honda and to stop flirting with the women in HR. He wants to complain. He wants you to get involved in his misery. He is inviting you to his Ego party and wants you to contribute with Pity cake and Esteem Booster presents. Didn't your parents ever teach you how rude it is to turn down an invitation to a black tie affair?

Silence will lead you to the answer. If we'd just shut up, pieces of the puzzle would just fall into place. We'd learn so much more about a person's needs and desires. They will tell you exactly what kind of reaction they want from you. A person might ask for an opinion but when you give your suggestion- and it could be the most sensible of ideas- he may or may not acknowledge what you said- but he'll go on talking right where he left off. It's really quite a phenomenon. You gotta remember that this is not about you playing the hero and swooping in with your grand solutions- it's all about what the other person needs. A listening ear, validation, a shoulder to cry on. If you can figure out what it is and give it to them, you have basically just committed all your free time to humanity. “Cuz they'll be back.

If you have any comments- I'm listening.